Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
