Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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