Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
