Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My penis needs a shock collar
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
