he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
