I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
