What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
