so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
