We won't sleep together?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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