Already got asked if we're dating
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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