Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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