from now on my penis is your penis
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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