Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
