Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Never joke about your clitoris.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
