there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
