so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ladies don't puke and tell
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
