When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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