My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
