i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
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