ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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