Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
