I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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