her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Im part way to drunk.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
