So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
