Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
