I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
