I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
