life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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