I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize