her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize