he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
