The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
