toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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