I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've blown a few things in my day
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
