Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
