and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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