the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was born a porn star she said
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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