I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
