and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
