peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
