Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
