The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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