I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
