just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Floor bacon is actually really good
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
