I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She bit a glass in half.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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