her vagine was all disorganized.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
