Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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