Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
