i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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