He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
