david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
