There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
