There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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