brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
