we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The power of my boobs compel you
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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