Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
