1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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