I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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