What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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