in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just puked most of my soul out..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
