hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
