just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
