hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
