Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize