Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
