Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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