Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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