Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
