i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can I color on your dick again?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
